Sometimes a man’s lack of interest in sex can point to other issues in the relationship. Conflict, tension, resentment and bickering can detract from sexual desire.
A physical illness can also be a deterrent. Being ill can be physically and emotionally exhausting, and it can reduce a man’s libido.
Perhaps he’s not getting enough everyday affection from you. A spontaneous back rub or a hug can make a big difference.
Dissatisfaction with the Relationship
If he refuses to give you what you need sexually, it’s worth having a conversation with him. Explain to him that if he continues to put you under sexual pressure, it’s likely to impact other areas of your relationship too.
Sometimes a man’s libido can be impacted by external factors such as stress or medication. It’s important to be able to talk openly about these issues with your partner so they can get the help they need.
It’s also worth pointing out that your relationship can still be intimate even if you’re not sexually active. For some couples, sex isn’t as important to them as other forms of intimacy, which is fine too! If he’s struggling to talk to you about these matters, counselling might be helpful. You might also find sex and relationship therapists more willing to be non-judgmental about the situation. This could help them get to the root of the issue quickly.
He’s Waiting for the Right Time
Sometimes people need to warm up or get to know a new partner more before they feel ready for sex. If your boyfriend is telling you that he wants to wait for the right time and you’re starting to feel pressured, it may be helpful to talk with him about this. It’s important to talk about this in a calm, respectful way. Let him know that the pressure he’s putting on you to have sex is making you nervous and tense about it, which is not healthy for you or him.
It’s also possible that he has other things going on in his life that are keeping him from feeling like he has the energy or motivation to be intimate with you. Many people find that their sex drive decreases when they’re under stress, such as a busy work schedule or major health issue.2
He’s Too Busy
A guy might not want to have sex as often because he’s super busy. Especially if you’re together full-time and live together, it can feel like there’s never enough time in the day to get everything done, including having a passionate love life.
He may be under a lot of pressure at work or have a big issue playing out in his personal life. Both of these types of stress can kill libido and leave you both feeling emotionally exhausted.
If you suspect this is the reason, it’s important to talk about it in a safe space that doesn’t take away from the intimacy of your relationship. You might even consider bringing in a relationships counselor or sex therapist to help you both work through the problem. They can also give you both the tools you need to re-ignite your passion in the bedroom and make the connection more meaningful. After all, you deserve to have a fulfilling partnered sex life!
He’s Pressured
Feeling pressured to have sex isn’t good for anyone. In fact, it’s usually a sign that your partner is not respectful of your needs. In some cases, sexual pressure can even be a form of harassment or coercion.
If your boyfriend feels like he’s constantly being pressured to please you sexually, it can cause him to withdraw from the relationship altogether. He may even begin to resent you, feeling that he’s being punished for not wanting to please you physically.
Having an open and honest conversation about your needs can help to ease these feelings. Just be sure to talk in a safe, nonsexual setting. Bringing up the topic during a romantic moment could backfire and make your boyfriend more defensive. Reassure him that your desire for sex doesn’t have to be met all the time, and that your love for him isn’t diminished by the fact that you don’t want to do it every night.