In queer sex, a top is someone who prefers to give sexual pleasure and may be more dominant. A bottom is someone who prefers to receive sexual pleasure and may be more submissive.
These terms can refer to many things besides penetration. For example, “stone tops” are kinky people (typically transgender women) who do not like to be touched during sex at all and only like to give.
Tops tend to play a more active role in sex
When it comes to sex, tops often prefer to be on the giving end of sex acts, such as penetration and oral sex. This is why many lesbians consider themselves “full-tops” or even “stone tops.”
While the terms top and bottom are typically used by gay men to describe sexual positions, they also apply to lesbians. According to a survey by queer publication Autostraddle, almost twice as many lesbians prefer to administer oral sex rather than receive it.
In addition, some lesbians enjoy a more passive role in sex, and are called a bottom or “pillow princesses.” While the roles of top and bottom are important, it’s also essential to keep in mind that everyone has their own preferences and experiences. If you’re not sure what your sexual roles are, try having a talk with your partner and see what turns you on and off. This can be a healthy baby step into non-monogamy or even just a way to explore new ways of being with your partner.
Tops tend to be dominant
Whether or not someone is a bottom or top doesn’t equate with gender expression or sexual orientation. But these terms are important to understand for same-sex couples, especially those new to the scene.
The term “top” refers to a person who acts as a sexual penetrator during intercourse, including oral sex. A bottom is the partner who gets fucked or has other sexual activities done to them. Bottoms can also act as a dominating partner and take the lead during sex, according to queer publication Autostraddle.
Moreover, there are people who like to switch between roles during sex, known as switches or versses. Often, they will paint their index and middle finger a different color or wear them shorter than the rest of their nails. They may also have tattoos, body piercing, or other visible markers of their position. The idea behind these signifiers is to help partners communicate their positions without using words. Nevertheless, they’re not foolproof.
Tops tend to be more independent
While the terms top and bottom were developed for gay men, they’re being adopted by lesbians as indicators of sexual preferences. Generally speaking, tops act as the penetrator during sexual (anal or vaginal) intercourse and bottoms follow their lead. However, some people may be both, or lean one way or another. Some people even describe themselves as switches, which means they’re comfortable playing both roles.
In addition to tops and bottoms, there are also full-tops, also known as stone tops or hard butches. These women prefer to give pleasure only and don’t want to receive it – they’re usually on the more masculine side of the gender spectrum.
In the end, it’s important to remember that identifying as either a top or bottom isn’t a bad thing. In fact, it’s a form of rebellion against outdated gender roles. Whether you’re a full-top, a stone-bottom, or a switch, it’s totally fine to define your relationship and sexual experience however you like.
Tops tend to be more confident
While the top-bottom, dom-sub, and other roles are becoming more prominent on TikTok, it’s important to remember that everyone’s sexual dynamics are unique. Lumping people into one or the other only diminishes the complexity of their relationships and can cause them to be invalidated.
Generally, a top is the person who prefers to penetrate during sex or other sexual activities. According to queer publication Autostraddle, this can include oral sex, BDSM, or role-playing. Alternatively, some tops like to play more passive roles. These people are known as “pillow princesses.”
While it is common to assume that bottoms are less confident, this is a stereotype. There are many different types of bottoms, such as power bottoms, bfbs, and stud pillow princesses. There are even dykes who prefer to be tops, while others prefer to be bottoms. People learn where they fall on the bottom/top spectrum through experimenting with partners and porn. You may also find that sex doesn’t fit into any category at all.
